Blog

Baby Loss Awareness Week

As part of our month raising awareness of loss, we want to look at the experience of baby loss suffered by many in our community. If you read our blog last week, you’ll be aware that the 9th of October marks the beginning of Baby Loss Awareness Week, and so today we’re hearing from Tanya Allen, manager at Reflect.

It’s great to know that we can signpost our visitors to Reflect’s fantastic services. They are a local charity providing a free support service in North Yorkshire for anyone facing a Pregnancy Choice and for those struggling after experiencing Pregnancy Loss from any cause. We asked Tanya to share more about Reflect’s work…

Could you tell us about the support you offer at Reflect?

Reflect offers help to anyone facing a pregnancy choice. We offer free pregnancy testing with trained advisors and whatever the result we can help you explore your feelings and options without any pressure. At Reflect, we provide information on parenting, adoption and abortion. We offer post-abortion support for anyone struggling after having a termination.

Reflect also provides care and support to anyone who has experience of miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or stillbirth.

A pregnancy loss at any stage of pregnancy or soon after, can leave a woman or man feeling overwhelmed with unanswerable questions and grief.

A sense of isolation and loss are common and may leave you feeling ‘out of step’ with events. Reflect can help work through the emotions that surround the loss in a safe and compassionate environment. We allow time to express pain and disappointment and support for as long as is necessary.

What are you doing for Baby Loss Awareness Week?

Baby Loss Awareness Week is held from the 9th to 15th October and as part of this Reflect is hosting our second ‘light a candle’ vigil at St. Peter’s Church in Harrogate on Tuesday 9th October from 1pm until 2.30pm.

Everyone is welcome to come along and light a candle, write a message and spend as long as they wish remembering a baby lost at any stage of pregnancy or sooner after. There will also be trained advisors ready to listen if you would like to talk.

What would you suggest to someone going through grief, especially the grief of baby loss?  

Grief is normal and is a process of emotional suffering usually caused by the loss (or perceived loss) of someone or something that is important to us. Following pregnancy loss, grief is the release of sadness at the loss of the baby, all that might have been and potentially a bit of themselves. Grief often involves initial shock, then sadness and anger or fear, before moving forward into acceptance. However even months or years after the loss someone can still on occasions be overcome with grief.

Grief is a uniquely personal experience and how you deal with having a baby loss is incredibly personal. I would encourage anyone struggling after pregnancy loss to seek support – to talk to someone and know that it’s ok to seek professional support from someone trained in bereavement support. It is helpful to explore your feelings about the loss and to give yourself permission to grieve. Doing something to remember your baby by can often be helpful. This could include naming your baby, writing a letter or poem, drawing a picture or choosing something to remember them by e.g. a ring or necklace, planting a tree or making a memory box.

What kinds of support do you offer to help people through the experience of loss? 

We offer a structured support programme called ‘The Journey’ to enable someone to come to terms with their loss. The Journey course is a series of around 10 sessions exploring the emotional, physical and spiritual effects of pregnancy loss and has proved to be life-changing for those who have completed the programme at Reflect. We look at the different stages of the grieving process and help to work through all the different emotions that may come up such as anger, sadness, guilt and grief.  We offer the Journey programme one-to-one and for couples.

Losing a baby under any circumstance and at any stage of pregnancy can cause a great deal of suffering for the mother or father, and at Reflect we are here to provide space and time to work through that suffering.  We want to give hope of coming to a place of acceptance and being able to move forward. One client said:

I found it very helpful to have a safe space to talk… [Reflect] has really helped me through the most difficult period of my life in a way that has made me stronger and happier than before.

A loss may have been recent or many years ago. Someone may have experienced one loss or several. All Reflect volunteers are trained in our specific pregnancy loss support and all receive regular, ongoing, supervision & training. Emma, one of our volunteers, described her experience of helping a client “It’s wonderful to see the person change in front of you… no longer overwhelmed by sadness but accepting the miscarriage as part of her life journey”

What advice would you give to someone supporting a friend or family member through loss?

Many of our clients wish that friends and family would be able to talk to them about their loss, to ask them about their experience and to ask how they are. If a baby has been named please do use it. Often people also wish that their friends were normal around them and invite them to events, even if they say no. Also, practical support can be helpful, especially if they have other children. Ask them “What can I do to help?” and ask them again in a few days and weeks’ time.

All Reflect’s services are free and confidential. If you would like any further information or if you would like to make an appointment you can contact us via email on enquiry@reflectharrogate.co.uk, visit our website at www.reflectsupport.co.uk or call us on 01423 206710.

 

lightacandle2018 (1)

Written by Tanya Allen

Edited by Ella Green

Read more

“You’re not remembered by how much money you make but by how many lives you’ve touched” – Introducing Matthew from Radfield Home Care

We’re delighted to introduce you to Matthew Nutting. He’s the Director of Radfield Home Care, a high quality home care service for the people of Harrogate and surrounding areas.

We are very grateful to this great business for becoming one our latest sponsors. Matthew will also be joining us for our next exciting event! We had a chat with him to find out about his work and his heart to care for our community…

How did you first get into the care sector?

I first got involved in the care sector because I wanted to help people. And I didn’t know what exactly I wanted to do with my life. A lot of people in the care sector end up there by default. They know they want to help. They know they want to do something practical, but maybe they haven’t been particularly good in academics – I could look after someone but I probably couldn’t write an essay! That’s a skill I’ve had to learn and teach myself throughout the years. But I enjoy helping people and seeing their smiling faces when you do something for them.

No one’s in it to make millions, but you do have an impact on the community. You do have an impact on the people around you and people have said to me “You’re doing something that’s good”, “You’re doing something that’s worthwhile”. I’m a big believer in the idea that you’re not remembered by how much money you make but by how many lives you’ve touched.

Do you think your background as an Occupational Therapist has given you an insight into how we can support people in our community?

Yeah absolutely. So occupational therapy is one of the only dual-trained healthcare professions, so you train in mental health and physical health. It’s very much about holistic therapy for individuals.

The term ‘Occupational Therapy’ can be quite misleading, in that people automatically think that ‘Occupation’ means their job, when it’s actually nothing to do with their job. Occupation is what we do everyday. Occupation is getting yourself dressed in the morning, making yourself lunch, or taking your child to nursery. All of these things are your occupation and they are different for every person.

Occupational therapy is needed when there’s something in your life, whether’s it a social, mental, or physical health problem that prevents you from doing the things that make you you. OT is about looking at how you can support that person to overcome that.

You can never truly understand what people are going through – there’s a big difference between empathy and sympathy.

You shouldn’t try to sympathise with people, you don’t know what’s going on inside or what they’ve experienced. But if you do your best to realise that it is hard for them and that they need help, it gives you a little bit of background.

Why have you chosen to support the Harrogate Hub?

I love the fact that the Hub is about making changes to society, and making changes in the community. At Radfield Home Care we are really focused on being able to change the care industry, and make an impact on the community and the society around us.

We’re really proud to be acquainted with the Living Wage Foundation, because we know that some of the most vulnerable people in society are paid low wages and they are often looking after vulnerable people themselves. Yet they are not being valued for the job they do, which is an incredibly hard job. I think we’re in a really unique position in that we can promote a healthy society and community. I’m really keen on promoting local jobs for local people, to look after local people. If I ever get to the stage where I need care in my life, I would like to know that it’s Brenda from down the street who’s looking after me, someone who knows me and who knows about the community I live in. It’s a great thing to be in a community and to have support from that community.

I’ve also chosen to support the Harrogate Hub, because of its work with churches. The church has always been a big part of my life. I was born into a church and into a Christian family, so that’s always been the normal life for me. I’ve seen the values of community and the value of churches. Church isn’t about just standing in a room and singing hymns and saying prayers. Church is about the way you live your life, the way you hold yourself, the way you treat people and the values you hold.

What issues do you think people face in Harrogate and how do you think this impacts them?

I think in Harrogate there’s a massive misconception.

“Oh Harrogate’s nice…there are no problems in the Dales… it’s all money…” Just because the problems are hidden, doesn’t mean the problems aren’t there.

I think people in various parts of the community can face different kinds of stigma. People easily become lonely and isolated because the transport links aren’t always good. In the communities in the Dales, especially in the older generations, people struggle with mobility and getting on public transport by themselves. They need a bit of a helping hand, especially people with dementia. It’s very easy for them to get left behind and lost within their community, and so they can suddenly find themselves quite isolated.

Some people enjoy retirement, but some people can feel like they’ve lost their role within their community. When someone is diagnosed with dementia, for example, it can become easy for them to feel like they’ve lost their place in society. They become harder to engage with. I think that’s where we’ve got a unique opportunity. Places like the Hub and home care agencies, and the whole of society too, can help support people who are struggling. We know from research in dementia that it’s beneficial for people to have social interaction. We can help them keep in touch with the community, which hugely benefits their wellbeing.

How do you see yourself helping the local community in five years time?

At Radfield Home Care, we’re really keen to be able to establish a sustainable and ethical quality home care service. So in five years time, I hope to be building the business and establishing ourselves. I hope that we will have a reputation for providing good quality home care to those who need it most. We want to be able to work with local charities, churches, employers, businesses, social services, and NHS services, so that in five years we will be embedded into the community.


Do you want to find out more about dementia and how we can support people with it? Join us at the Hub for an engaging workshop run by Matthew Nutting on Tuesday 18th September, 7-9pm. Book your free place here. All donations on the night will go towards the work of the Harrogate Hub.  

 

Written by Amelia Ashbrook

Edited by Ella Green

Read more